The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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