I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
