and i looked up. we had an audience...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
