She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
