Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
