well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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