Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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