Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
they're like a gay fantastic four
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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