I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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