I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
