Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
