I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
