the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
