You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Too much gin, very little bucket
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
