If that was your dad, he is hot
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Its about making memories worth repressing
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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