Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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