two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
