WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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