I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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