I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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