nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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