my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
my poor anus
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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