Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
