im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
