Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
