Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
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There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
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I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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