I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dignity is for republicans.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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