He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
