But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
