Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
