I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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