idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
