cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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