Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
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I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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