Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
