Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just googled if crying burns calories
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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