I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize