Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he laminated a picture of his dick.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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