some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.