I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
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i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
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He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.