we made out on top of his cat.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever