First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize