I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just pee around me
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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