these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
