It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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