Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
