dude i'm inner monologue high
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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