Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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