you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
