omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
