Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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