she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
