Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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