smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
