I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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