So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
