so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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