I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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