i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
This is the high leading the old right now
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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