wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
