it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Randomize
