All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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