did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
