i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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