it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
