If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
In America we eat man semen.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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