its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
