two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Is Oprah even human
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
