I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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