wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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